I Will Follow You Into The Dark
by True Mirage
Summary: I wish I knew, I wish I would’ve felt it. That something was wrong. That you were hurting. That you weren’t behind me. BP One Shot. Minor BL. Set after the school shooting, except Peyton wasn't the one shot. Peyton's POV.


_Love of mine some day you will die  
But I'll be close behind  
I'll follow you into the dark_

I didn't know.

I wish I would've known.

I wish I would've known the minute the bullet hit you, because I wouldn't have left you. I wouldn't have been unsure, I wouldn't doubt it for a second. I would've stayed with you.

I wish I knew, I wish I would've felt it. That something was wrong. That you were hurting. That you weren't behind me.

I thought you were behind me, I really did. Oh god, Brooke, I hope you believe me. I hope you can forgive me.

_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white  
Just our hands clasped so tight  
Waiting for the hint of a spark  
If Heaven and Hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs_

I'll never forget the last moments until we knew for sure. Lucas was unconsolable. He cried, he yelled, he wanted to get in there. He so badly wanted to be with you, Brooke, he really did. He would've gone in there if he could. If he could've, he would've gone after you.

I would have.

I couldn't cry. Not for a second. Not even when the paramedics told us you were gone.

But Lucas did. He cried. He yelled. He felt everything he could feel.

I couldn't move. Nathan had walked up to me, wanting to comfort me, but I couldn't move. I didn't want to be comforted, I didn't need anything. You weren't gone. You couldn't possibly be. Only hours ago I had heard your voice, hours ago I had touched you. I remember your laugh so clearly, it's still in the back of my head.

I went home that day. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I know now that they were worried, but I didn't care. Not for one second did they cross my mind.

All I could think about was that you were gone, and you had been alone.

They didn't tell me straight to my face, but I'm not stupid, I knew you had been in pain. You had died alone and hurting. Crying. Screaming for help. Screaming for us.

_If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark_

It didn't even hit me as I was getting ready for the funeral. I was getting ready, and I couldn't quite remember why.

My clothes were horrible, I looked as if I was 30 years older than my age.

You would've laughed and told me to go change, so I did.

Dad came with me. After the ceremony was over, and everyone were heading to Karen's Café for the reception, I couldn't hold it up any longer.

I cried. Dad held me, and I cried like I never had before. He cried with me. Maybe it was for me, or maybe because he missed you too.

As I was starting to feel cold, I realized. It's snow day in sixth grade, and I'm inside the snow fort. I'm alone now, you're not there.

It's cold, the warmth has gone away. But this time, it's never coming back.

And...even if I do make it out of there, it will never leave my chest.

And it's never going to be the same.

_In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule  
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black  
And I held my tongue as she told me  
"Fear is the heart of love"  
So I never went back_

Oh Brooke, you should've seen your funeral. You would've told everyone to snap out of it already, I'm sure.

Haley's tears wouldn't stop running, Nathan tried to stay brave and take care of everyone, but he was just as wrecked as everyone else. He felt it, just like the rest of us. _How everything was changing._

Karen served amazing food that nobody would eat, and Deb tried to socialize with everybody.

Lucas sat by himself in a corner, "brooding" like you would've said. I considered going over to him, but I had a feeling he wouldn't want to talk to me.

It didn't matter, though.

I only wanted you.

_If Heaven and Hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs_

School wasn't nomal without you. Nothing was normal without you. None of us talked anymore. ´

I think it was your fault Brooke, you broke us all up.

I only see Nathan and Haley during English class these days. She's pregnant. Can you believe that?

I haven't talked to her in six months, but I did tell her congratulations on the baby.

Lucas...He quit the team. He said he couldn't play anymore. You have to understand Brooke, his world is broken, and it's your fault.

He hangs out with Mouth these days and haven't touched basketball since you died.

I don't talk to him either.

Two months ago though, he walked up to me while I was drawing.

I was drawing you, Brooke. It's always you. I can't seem to find anything else to draw, because in the end, you're all I can see.

He asked me if I wanted to hang out.

I miss him, I do.

But I don't want to. I can't. Nothing is the same without you.  
So I said no.  
He understood, waited for a few seconds, until asking if he could have the picture.

I gave it to him.

It was a beautiful picture, Brooke. You would've liked it. You were an angel, a big smile on your face, your dimples showing.

_You and me have seen everything to see  
From Bangkok to Calgary  
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down  
The time for sleep is now  
It's nothing to cry about  
Cause we'll hold each other soon  
The blackest of rooms_

I can still hear your footsteps behind me sometimes while walking to class. Only inches away. I can still hear your voice. /i "Peyton, wait up!" /i

Sometimes I stop in the middle of the street, mall, school...Because I feel you. I close my eyes and I see you there.

You never speak. You're just there.

Brooke, don't ever stop doing that, because it comforts me. It lets me know that you're still there, you're not mad at me and you love me.

It still kills me. I still think of that day. I dream of you, Brooke. I dream of that day, I dream that you're lying there, in the hallways. Bleeding to death, alone. You scream my name. I can see you, and I reach out my arms to touch you, to save you, to be with you. But as fast as I run, as far as I reach, the more far away you come from me.

You keep on screaming on the top of your lungs, until you have no air or blood left in your body...and then you die.

I still wake up sweaty.

Don't you see Brooke? We've been following each other our whole lives. The downs we've had have never lasted long enough for us to turn our backs to each other, and take another path.

But then you walked through that door, and it closed. And I was all alone.

But the door isn't locked.

That's why I'm standing here today, one year later after you left me. I have my hand on the door knob, it can be opened any moment I'm ready.

I try to go back to that day. I spread my arms out and I feel the cold hair hit my body. I feel the wind blowing through my fingers, and I feel your hand grabbing mine again.

It comforts me. It makes me forget the cold water below.

I go back even more in time, before everything. Before the make up, the lame music, the boys, i that day /i .

And suddenly I'm lying in my bed again. The weather is the sound of the night and a woman I loved is lost. I feel nothing but sadness and solitude.  
And then you come. Like a blanket, you make me feel warm again. You wrap your arms around me and you tell me, we'll be friends forever. Together, always, no matter what.

I believed you. I still do. That's why I'm here. I will follow you.

I open that door that I know you're behind, and I finally feel that pain and heartache starting to leave my chest.

I'll see you soon.

_If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark  
Then I'll follow you into the dark_


End file.
